Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
