I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
