Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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