Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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