i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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