I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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