Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
