You're so nebulous sometimes
no you cant smoke seaweed
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
