Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
