3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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