can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
