Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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