She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
worst night to have a conscience
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm having to shit out rocks
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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