Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize