i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
