RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
