btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
