ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
