I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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