If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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