You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
