A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
