i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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