i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
what day is it and did you see me today?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
