at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
