we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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