She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
