i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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