Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
