Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
