so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
