where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
