I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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