hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
