I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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