im drinking this country out of the recession.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
