you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
