Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
