Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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