the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
