i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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