nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
