I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize