Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
