you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
