I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
