You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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