I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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