she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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