On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
