Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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