I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
