so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
