Don't you send me to vm
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
