If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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