im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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