quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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