we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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