Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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