Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
