I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
