I didn't shave. On purpose
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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