There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Still dying that you shit outside
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
