He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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