i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
