And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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