i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
