Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my shit smells like andre
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
