I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
