i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
