My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
