she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
how does that bad decision feel?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
