Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize